The tragedy of death...

My stepfather died last Thursday of a massive coronary...I am not even sure how to even write about such a sad thing.  I just sent an email to Ben to tell him since he sent me an email and I started to cry...then my friend Samer called and asked if I had a cold since my voice sounded funny.  I started crying again and explained.  If I don't think about Jerry I am fine but it seems that if I try to tell someone on the phone or email or if someone offers me their condolences I start sobbing all over again.

Jerry's death was so unexpected, he was going to be here in Europe for 2 weeks at Christmas and we were all looking forward to seeing him.  Who would have thought that we would all be reunited in the States for his funeral?  It was the first time in 12 years that we were all together in one place.  We see each other with frequency but just not all at the same time.  It was really nice to be together but such a sad reason and of course there is the stress that comes with processing such a loss.  

There were two funerals, one in Iowa and one in Wisconsin where we grew up.  Both were really "nice" - as nice as funerals can be, but the one in Wisconsin was particularly beautiful.  It was held in the church where we were all confirmed, where Aimee and Rusty were married, and  where Allison and Gary were baptised.  There is comfort in the familiar surrounding, the familiar faces.  Grieving with friends and family is really a comfort.   It was so great that so many people came and it was so nice to hear all the stories of what a difference Jerry made in so many lives.  The things he did for people and what a presence he was...some things I wasn't even aware of.

Jerry was clearly a person who had an impact on many, it was really nice to hear their stories.  Also, it was nice to see the genuine grief of so many who will miss him.  Somehow their grief validated the impact of his life, validated a life well-lived.  He will be missed by so many including me.

Jerry's life really was a beautiful journey for him and for those blessed with being a part of it.  I have never known anyone who evolved in their lifetime like he did.  He leaves a big hole in our lives and our hearts that we will fill with the beautiful and funny memories of a life well-lived.

The good thing for me is that I have no regrets of anything said or unsaid.  Jerry's death is a reminder of the fragility of life, the balance that can be taken away at any minute and the appreciation I will continue to have of all the moments that make a beautiful life.